when i secured myself a seat on that flight bound for Singapore last week, i knew what i was getting myself into. cause leaving after 5 days of bliss was gon be as painful as it was the first time. and yes it was. knowing exactly what it was i was going back to - the solitary life, was simply overwhelming.

there must be a fine line between the solitary life and loneliness. i guess solitude is something you seek, something you choose. loneliness, isn't a way of life. it consumes you and eats you whole. before you know it, loneliness has taken the shape of an entire town, and every intersection has a different anguish waiting to gut you, every street has a dark turn to swallow you up, and everyone you meet carries the same face. his face. white and blank, and you just know his name is Uncertainty.

thought i knew better. thought i would have gotten used to this lifestyle by nw. yes, you must think being away from home, living this life must be all peaches and cream. but it isn't all that. yes, there are the perks and i enjoy that but i'm paying for it. with every ounce of my emotions i pay. there are days i wonder if i'm made for this, if i can stay for 3 years..if others could/can do it, then why can't i? what happened to the strong individual i thought i was? circumstances changed the way i think. things i hear, things i see. funny hw i used to think running away frm my problems wld be the best solution, back then i only wanted a clean slate - a slate just like this one, just to be away frm it all. nw i want to go back, just to be with the one i love, the people i love. the comfort zone i miss oh so much. why is the fcking grass always greener on the other side?

on second thoughts, i think i've succumbed myself to the loneliness. so i only have myself to blame. i don't get out much to meet my friends, i think a lot abt hm. i don't make the best of my time. i exhaust myself with work, i sleep too much. it's having the reverse effect on me. ugh!

♥the trick is to keep breathing 8:16 PM