I seem to blog only around this time the past couple of days. Ain't I such a pig!?
I'm looking forward to tonight. Just to have some 'girlie-girl' time with, well none other then the girls. I'm starved and I'd love to go for dinner however Shola is NOT picking up her phone neither is she online, Lorraine and Steph are at work and Aartsy and Shiks have a birthday party to attend. So i'll only get to eat when i see them much much later. Boo! :(
I think I am a lot more calmer and settled since Sunday. It's as if i am slowly returning to my comfort zone. I realize that it doesn't matter what's happened. It happened, and there's no point brooding over it. And i'm pretty impressed with myself on how i'm taking all of this. The last time I went through a break up it wasn't a very pretty sight. Now there's no one around, and I'm stronger than that. Looks like I was underestimating myself all this while. Such a wuss i was!
**AND AND AND, i can't believe its Wednesday already! It's Thursday tomorrow! Can't wait. Breakfast is so on YOU, for both me and Russell ok?
Aiite, imma go shower and see if i can find something to munch on first.
Hang in there, the weekends almost near now. :)
♥the trick is to keep breathing 2:43 AM
Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.
♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:26 AM
gooood afternoon!
It's good knowing that despite being on standby today, I've two days of off to look forward. It being Ladies Night tomorrow and how I have been deprived of getting out, it'll be a perfect night to hang out with the girlfriends! Made plans with aartsy boo, shiks and lorraine. Trying to drag shola out too. Hopefully the plans work out, because I'm so capable of getting lazy later tomorrow night, and i might just stay home. Heh
Well on a MORE exciting note. Lorraine so read my mind about heading to the zoo! I was gon' ask her to gather the rest of the boys and girls along with Triston baby, to head down to the zoo this weekend. I'm on standby this Saturday so hopefully i don't get called up. Finally, the zoo outing i've been anxiously anticipating for god knows how long la. Wheeeeeeee! Now I can actually be out with my girls without worrying much. I shouldn't even have worried in the first place. Sighs
OH and if i even get judged for the people i choose to talk and hang out with from this point forward, you ought to be spat at. Cause least i stuck to your 'rules' and sacrificed that much when i was with you. Don't see why I should continue living my life the way you want me to. Learn baby, learn!
I am gonne hit the shower and freshen up for an afternoon nap. Heh, not like I haven't slept enough. ;)
Laterrrrrr!
♥the trick is to keep breathing 1:06 AM
I must confess, you were my biggest sin.It was painful to make this decision. I did it anyway, because it's about time. I was beginning to hate myself, because I'd be stupid if i still stuck around.There were many reasons why I chose to do this. Your infidelity got the better of me. The way you were treating me, was not right? Despite your misdeeds, you had the audacity to look at me as if nothing was happening. You know? When I made up my mind I was upset I'd never see those photos of us again. The ones you lost because of your corrupted hard drive. Those were all the memories I was gon be left with, but now when I think about it, you're not worth my memory. Not anymore, not after what I JUST HEARD. To think you still could tell me you loved me! How is it possible when there's someone else in your life. You were MY only one, the only one. I wasn't though huh? After all that i did, to make this work. Constantly blaming myself for the mistakes you made. I should just bang my head against the wall. Comparing this with my past, i rather be hit by a man then not be loved. I know it sounds so wrong, but its my opinion.Do not even pretend to care, or feel bothered. I know this was what you wanted all along. You got it. I hope you'll learn someday. One day.For now, i shall not be bitter. I should be happy, i am not even gon say everything happens for a reason. Inevitable, i know. It was a matter of time.**The only way i can clear out the cobwebs, is turn to a new page or put an old story to rest. Finally, finally to rest.Helloooooo goodbye! :)
♥the trick is to keep breathing 12:51 PM
good evening folks!*yawns*It's 445pm and i just woke up not too long ago. Only because I went to bed around 5ish in the morning. Busy watching Prison Break and Gossip Girl. Both left me at the edge of my bed! Not complaining though.Well everyone seems to be making plans for Halloween. Where to go, what to wear? etc. And me! I already figured what to go as! Nothing scary, i'm going as a flight attendant. YES! Because i'm effing working la. As passengers board the plane, I could say "trick or treat!" instead of "welcome on board." The humdrum of it. I'll only be back tomorrow night and I reckon not having the energy to get out. All the girls have costumes and have decided to club hop! I want to do that as well. It's good to have some sorta spontaneity in my life as opposed to none at all. BUT how is that remotely possible when my energy's gon' be drained prior to that?! If you saw me now, you'll see the longest sulk on my face. Pfffttt!Pointless, in me grumbling. Well well, last night was a tad bit scary. Remember me mentioning in my older posts that when daddy gets his car, the furthest I'd go is the 711 behind my house. Hmmm, I kinda found out where the spare key to the car was last night. And for two hours i was contemplating taking the car out cause I needed cigarettes oh so badly. After much deliberation I gave in, and took the car out, on my own. I made it a fast one, cause I needed the car to cool down before dad woke up for work. I had to park the car back at the same lot and not give him any hints that the car was used. He's very meticulous when it comes to the smallest details. After parking I was standing by the car for a good five minutes to see if everything was where it was supposed to be at, and i realized i didn't close the side mirrors cause dad does that. Mann, I was more afraid that my dad would find more than anything else. Oh also, the thought of getting pulled over by the cops or something. Well. dad didn't call me since he left for work so i am assuming i did a rather good job. :) Teehee! (and to the cousin who reads this, you better keep this hush hush, mister 'traffic police'!)I have to walk the dog now. Later, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN in advanceeee! Paint the town red girlfriends! [without me]
♥the trick is to keep breathing 1:57 AM
PENN, MY LOVE!
♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:51 AM
Reminiscing the good ol' days with you, is like doing so with a wall. So much for nostalgia.Last nights flight was short and sweet like expected. Light load on the way back, quite a rush, it still was. Got back at about 2ish in the morning. Decided to make use of the opportunity to catch up with Olivia since it's hard to get a flight with your batch mates. It was the early hours of the morning, yet the both of us were up for supper and a longgg talk. The things i heard. Mann, all the good guys are nowhere to be found these days. I don't even think they are taken or married. Zilch! Anyhow, it was nice catching up. We were at the airport till 4 plus 5, just talking. Ha! Took a cab back after and it cost me 20 effing 7 bucks! =( Bleah!I'm on off tomorrow! Wooooot! :):) Elf is already making me run some errands which i REFUSE to do. He wants me to go down to Funan to do his laptop for him. I would, but i don't feel like getting out tomorrow. But i am in dire need of threading la! There's this lady in my block who does manicures, pedicures, waxing and threading etc. Might just go to her. It's awfully disgusting, my brows. Have a flight on Saturday, Halloween! Manila/Macau. If i'm not too tired i'd get out. Elf is bound to have some kinda plan but i can't make any! Don't think i'll dress up, haven't got the time to fish for some outfit. I'd love to though. Boo! The 24th just passed. And it left me nostalgic. I'm outta here.
♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:16 AM
People say 'Everything happens for a reason.' These people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a 'Goodbye,' But, apparently, women have to either get married or learn something.
♥the trick is to keep breathing 1:41 PM
We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?It's 2.20am in the freaking morning. I need to smoke, terribly much you'd think I am exaggerating but NO i ain't. I could take a walk to get me some fags, well if it weren't raining that heavily plus the darn 7-11 is like ten effing miles away from my place. I hate where I live! I can't drive (yet), i need cigarettes and above all, i (think) I NEED YOU, now!Sighs. The virus on my laptop is annoying the crap outta me. Thanks to the wonderful tagger aka asshole who was free enough to link a virus on my tagboard and call me a bigger asshole for clicking on it. =/ BLEAH! I've like ten thousand windows popping up every 3 seconds, it's so not funny anymore.OK, i just re-read the last two paragraphs and it wouldn't take a 2 year old to figure that I am in a very very grumpy mood. (no, not that time of the month) I do know why. But I don't think i am doing anything about it. I should though. ALL this running around trying to make things work and then playing a part to ruin it, is just getting a tad bit exhausting. Oh hell, i think i think way too much at times. "YOU THINK??"It was so good hearing your voice though. Made me feel a lot better, hearing you made me feel like i was right back in my comfort zone. I should get out of my comfort zone though, no? I don't want to!Gawd! I am rambling rubbish. I shall cut the crap.I don't have a flight tomorrow. On standby, my next flight's on Wednesday, Phuket. Short and sweet, just how i like it. Found out I'm flying with one of my badge mates, can't wait. Haven't seen all of them in ages, and it'll be nice to catch up, even with one of them. :) Nothing is happening this weekend, well least not yet. ohh crap! 24th! I am super broke! Reckon me staying in would be the best of ideas. Heyy, another week and November is here. Mom's birthday on the 10th! Celebrating it. Excited for that, which explains why i won't be able to make it for Nessa's 21st :( I'll make up for it k my dear. Triston's birthday on 7th of Dec and then Dad's on the 8th. Christmas! Elf's birthday on the 28th and New Years! Gosh, time really flies huh? Feels like just a few months back I was chilling at Suren's place for New Years, gambling the damn night away. That is NOT how i want to spend New Years this year, hell NO. Definitely not on flight either. *crossing my fingers and praying* I want it to be like yester-years. With the girlfriends and boyfriend. When Christmas mass was a must, and that too at SVDP, sure did feel like home. With Mom, Dad and my Sis too of course. Then the usual wine and cheese, ha, or so we thought. Ended up sipping baileys or drinking up our vodka with Lorraine's mommy's delicious spread of home made supper. After we had all gone for mass at the respective churches. Lorraine, Steph, Simran, Carrie, Sis, myself (our boys, from whenever). Oh it was beautiful. The spirit of it all. It was always a quiet and intimate affair, Christmas that is.Sighs. OHH, then the all too familiar planning of where to go or what to do for new years. Hotel themed parties, picking out our clothes, writing up the guest list etc. MANN! THOSE were the days, i swear!!!! I could go on forever.I could take out old pictures and albums, sit and reminisce about the good old days and it never fails to put a smile on my face. :) I AM IN A BETTER MOOD ALREADY !AND SO, this christmas and new years is coming. Will it be any different? OR very different. Too soon to tell. NO party poopers! Please.....
♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:16 AM
Cheeeeeeeeesee, my eyes look so retarded, i know! I have no idea what i was trying to prove.
♥the trick is to keep breathing 6:11 AM
*yawns*
I have to report for my flight at 5 freaking 45 in the darn morning. Off to Udon Thani. BORING! I'm praying it ain't a full load because it's a short flight, and there'll be too much to do in such a short time frame. *crossingthyfingers*
My mind has hit the peace mode, suddenly. We'll see how long this would last for eh? I ain't counting on it but then again, this is the cynic speaking so it's not that big a surprise now.
After tomorrow's flight, I'm off on Friday and Saturday and off to Darwin on Sunday. Planning dinner with Lorraine on Friday, Holland Village, N.Y.D.C and then to Wala wala for drinks perhaps. Our plan to meet up and hang out is way over-due. Hopefully Friday goes as planned.
Kaartsy's birthday was awesome. Such a chilled out night at her place, catching up over pizza and drinks. House parties are the best la ! Beats a night out at the clubs anytime. This isn't the whole group, but this is the only pic i got from that night. Will upload the rest, if i get a hold of them. :)
OK, i know i mentioned this in a previous post but I'm wayy excited. Daddy's car arrives in two days. Following him to collect it this Friday! Why don't I have my licenseeeeeeeeee yet! I'm such a procrastinator la! Slap me, can? Dad's bugging me to get it asap but it's so difficult to book practicals and stuff because of my darn roster, like the dates are way off so it's hard to get a date. Bleah, unless I take private. But I rather do it with the school. We'll see.
I'm off to watch my Grey's Anatomy now. Waiting on episode 5 of Prison Break and Sara Tangredi is not on Prison Break anymore! The producers killed herrrrrrrrrr! :( I wanted a happy ending for Michael Scofield and her!
Anyway I've found a new love! Penn Badgley, Dan Humphrey in Gossip Girl! Gawd, he's so darn hot!
okok, i am gone now.
♥the trick is to keep breathing 5:26 AM
Everything around me is ringing a bell, reminding me of what's become.
Aries: You've been on a bit of a roller coaster for the past year, but it's finally settling down. Do what you can do avoid getting back on it.
Shina,You prefer to vent any possible resentment, hurt feelings or misunderstandings immediately. If there is something that concerns you or that doesn't seem right in your emotional relationships, you will try to clear the air quickly and without any dubiousness.Sighs. That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore. This is exactly it. Explains YOU.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
♥the trick is to keep breathing 7:48 AM
TRISTON
Triston came over to my place with Steph today. He's just wayyyyyyy tooo cute! He's so edible right?! ha, and this lil fella is in love with sean kingston's beautiful girls! Like what happened to nursery rhymes ah? Maybe because he's constantly surrounded by girls plus he has a yummy mommy! When my sis played it he couldn't stop smiling, and I was dancing with him. If only I had the video. AHHHHHH! I loveee you triston! Look at him chewing on my sisters phone. And he's got his first two front toothhhhh! He lookss like another babyyy i used to know. :( Anyhoo, I'm about to hit the shower. Heading to Kaartsy and Rhadhi's place for Kaart's Birthday party!
HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY MY LOVE! :):)
Don't know where I'm heading after, but no plans as of yet. I'm not gon' sit my ass at home and feel sorry for myself. Life goes on, doesn't it? Move over.
Selamat Hari Raya to all my muslim friends too! :) Have a fab weekend. TA!
A picture of me and missnewpapernewfacefinalist who won Miss Best Smile and Miss Manners! You ought to for all the right reassonns! though you should've won darling. I love you!
♥the trick is to keep breathing 1:36 AM
'A wise girl kisses but doesn't love. listens but doesn't believe. and leaves before she is left.'
I was on friendster earlier today, the text above was a friends shoutout. And for some very odd reason I can relate to that. Though it's unbecoming of a girl to think of love in such a sorry way, it's understandable, no? I mean, here I speak out of experience. Eyy, the past couple of weeks my blooody posts have been about my very sad and sappy love life. And it's beginning to get to me. One minute I am at a high and the next second I would be at my lowest. I never blog about anything substantial or blog-worthy. But I mean, you define your blog, shouldn't be otherwise right? Well who gives, I'll rant what i rant, and as much as I want and if it gets to me, well then i'll let it till whenever.
For now I find myself watching The OC for all the wrong reasons. But a part of me's been having OC withdrawal symptoms. Bleah! And seth, oh seth. While I watch Seth on OC, 'my very own Seth' is fast asleep. Am i making sense? OH WELL.
OH!!
My car, or rather daddy's car arrives in ten days! woooooooot! Illegal driving?? Or appointed drivers. Heh! I'd probably drive to the 7-11 near my place to get cigarettes, period. The furthest. CANT wait! CANT wait!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lack of oxygen, lack of sleep. Hold me? Will you? I feel a hell lot safer, when you're around. Don't go, and don't speak of it either, don't remind me where I stand with or without you. Don't speak to me of guilt trips. I KNOW. We don't need to make sense out of EVERYTHING. Like you said, it's ok to slip, once in a while. No?
Itsnottoolate.
♥the trick is to keep breathing 12:30 PM
**And I need you like a heart needs a beat, but that's nothing new.
You know, I'd like to believe that each of us have a soul mate out there. That one person who gets you without even trying to. I never quite felt like that one person ever existed for me. However, at this point I know my soul mate is somewhere, somewhere near. That one person who gets me. We'll meet, someday, no? Or have we met already. We have.
The past couple of days have been nothing but monotonous. Flew to Hanoi and got back from Phuket this morning. All through my flights, there were the same thoughts running through my head. Well thoughts that kept me going for sure. I don't think I've smiled this much in weeks. It's plastered to my face, subconsciously even. I've learnt to trust my gut instinct and do what feels right for me. I hope.
OH! Sis turned 26 on the 6Th of OCT! HAPPPY BELATED SIS! :) HOPE YOU LIKED THE PRESSIE WE GOT YOU!
*apologize is on repeat mode. =/
♥the trick is to keep breathing 10:25 PM
Time check: 5:56AM.
Just got back from a helluva long "supper" with Suren and Ariel. He completely regretted meeting us both cause we were unloading our burdened selves on him. More like me. I was going on, I said things I'd never say to his bestfriend, aka the boyfriend. Not that he'd want to hear any of it anyhow. But we could all laugh it off. But it still bugs me though, what he did. I mean, just a couple of hours back I was happy and now I contradict my previous post by saying I'm bugged. Bugged by what happened more so. Not yesterday but last weeks ordeal still sits fresh in my head. I forgave but I can't seem to forget it.
Your name is a foul epithet. Time to reflect on all your misdeeds and sob your sorry self to sleep. But now that's joke cause when do you ever feel sorry for anything? Ha, it never felt so real and never so visceral. I swear. But oh well, that's just you and this is just me.
BUTBUTBUT I have other things to occupy myself with! There's GREY'S ANATOMY, Private Practice, HEROES! PRISON BREAK, Desperate Housewives which I am still trying to get a hold off. And my all new guilty pleasure, GOSSIP GIRLS! Watch it, the makers of The OC have come up with an all new show, and it's darn good.
Life's been pretty usual as of late. Flying keeps my mind off things so I am happy in that sense. And lately I've been seeing quite a bit of my friends. Speaking of which I'm meeting Lorraine tomorrow cause poor Triston baby is in hospital for Viral Infection and is on drips. Poor baby la. Sighs. Hope he gets better soon enough. Then I want to head to town to get my infills for my nails and perhaps a pedicure too. Though i think thats highly unnecessary cause my toe nails are barely exposed. Cotton On here I comeeeeeeee. ;)
Saturday's my sisters 26th Birthday and we're all heading out for drinks and dinner. Can't wait. That's a much awaited gathering. And MOS, like I so didn't get enough of it last weekend. Ha!
K, the latest ep of Heroes just got posted. Time to catch it. Wheeeeeeeee! :):)
Nights or rather goodddddd morning.
Did I mention standbys suck! Pleaseeeeeeee dont call me!
♥the trick is to keep breathing 2:56 PM
I don't need to see a picture of you from yester-year to get me reminded of you, all I need is a picture of ME from yester-year and flashes of you hit the brain cells. Why's that?
I was a much happier person today. Having not spoke to you in fifteen hours hasn't quite killed me and I haven't had the slightest urge to text you or dial your number. Even when you were online, it didn't seem like it bugged me. I'd even call your brother to check on you when days like this occured, but this time round I'm happier not knowing. :) I can't help but feel free. And guilt-free of course. Because none of this was my doing.
Anyway where's the thought that uncomplicated things? Where's the peace of mind, that peace that made it easy? Where's that simple day, that simply made it nice to be in. Where did it go? You went away with it, didn't you? The day you disappeared was the day all this went along with you. You'll never make it right. It's not in you.
And then there's YOU, you make it all worth it. It's funny I never knew a you, existed. So near yet so far. I'm secretly on your side. You know I'm a smart girl. Count on me to make the right decisions. The only one who seems to have some hope in me. I'm still counting on the lyrics. =D
That time of the effing year is nearing, the time I get reminded of yester-years. HOW???? Can I go through another year, thinking what if?
*Spin me around again, will you?
♥the trick is to keep breathing 9:54 AM
Shinaaa
