Scars For Me & Souvenirs For You

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Imagine a future, a moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you? - OBVIOUSLY NOT ME. cause for me it was YOU all along.

i'd like to say finally. but that talk completely defeated its purpose cause you obviously think that what you did should be condoned by me. I think it shouldn't be condoned by anybody for that matter. why deny it in the first place and later admit to it if you thought it was right? Just friends? My ass. Don't they all say the same thing? Friends with the intentions of some benefits, perhaps? Wellfuckingdone. You proved everyone right. All along there was this lil hope burning inside of me and it just died, in two seconds flat. You! this is just your effin' nature. When everyone told me i was being stupid, i shut them up. I said "no, all of you are wrong about him, I have faith..and you guys should too!" Now they are having the last laugh, cause i was the fool eh?

Those tears i shed, worthless. Being lonely these four months, worthless. All that money saved just to come see you, worthless. ALL i've did these four months, worthless. Hell all i've done these 3 years weren't good enough a reason for you to be the man you ought to be. Not what i expect of you but what any women would expect of a man who CLAIMS he loves her. period.

and you are such a pro at turning tables. you say I AM a pro at leaving eh? bailing everytime you made a mistake, well i made a promise..to never leave but that doesn't mean you take advantage of the promise cause you promised never to stray, AGAIN. if you hadn't broken yours i wouldn't have to break mine. the best part yet, you still think you're right. you're still not sorry..and if i did stay with you it will only mean i am okay with what you did and for everytime you do it. doesn't that spell F.O.O.L ??? That i am clearly one??

I am angry but it will subside. and if you want to live your life, go ahead..by all means. BUT please please please do not be selfish cause i deserve a shot at happiness too and if you aren't gon be the one to make me happy you shouldn't be the one to snatch that away as well. Like i said..don't string me along for your benefit. It's not fair to me in any way!

***
I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, grace, and strength to just let him be happy. Mostly I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go. That's the part of grace that really sucks.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 5:08 AM