Scars For Me & Souvenirs For You

Monday, September 15, 2008

all of the things we want each other to be we never will be, we never will be.

I don't know what to say. Yes you have made me feel this way before, when you were still here. It's like despite my best efforts, it was never good enough. I was never able to live up to your expectations. But at the same time, I knew deep down i was a good girlfriend. You never fail to belittle me. Don't get the wrong idea, but i can see you've been making an effort ever since you left. I'm not talking materialistic stuff. You can buy me all the fancy things in the world, but some things in life are just priceless. Your love for instance, if i could buy that from you i would. Unfortunately i can only earn it. And you make me feel like i'm not worthy of it. I mean, am i not?

I made this choice to be with you, and believe me i gain nothing from being in it for another 2 years esp with you being halfway across the globe. I could very well not be with you, live my life not giving a care what others or you think for that matter. One less person to live my life for, one less person to worry about, one less persons feelings to consider before i say or do anything. BUT and its HUGE BUT here..i made this decision. That its not even about all of that. It's about what we've shared, what we've created and nurtured. And no i'm not thinking that it's waste to throw it all away just cause you're going away cause a 3 year long relationship is no big deal these days. It's more like nothing will change the way i feel for you, and i mean nothing. No one. You can be there for the next 5 years (as much as i'd hate that) and i know i'd still be loving you the same. This choice i've made, i've made with thorough considerations. The repercussions and all. And i am willing to take that risk, cause if i don't then i'll never know what the future holds.

You can't prevent what you can't predict.

So do not make judgements and make me feel like i'm the worlds most useless girlfriend. I know i can try harder. I'm not perfect but i try, EVERYDAY. I make sacrifices and will do so with no qualms. But please understand my situation.

PLEASE baby.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 1:02 AM