On the 26th morning, cry a river, I will...
just for you


You seem to have a way to draw me back in, time and time. Is it because you know that you're still my weakness in more ways than one? life's been pretty good as of late and i have no qualms about it. But the very fact that I get all these messages and what not, evokes a memory or two. Memories that will be left as memories.

You, however will still have a piece of me. Just like how i carry a piece of you, everywhere i go. The little treasures in life. You definitely were one of them. Unfortunately, there are somethings that cannot be undone, huh? No matter how bad you want to.

I am happy now and i know you're not unhappy. It's just a phase you're going through. I've those moments, that are so uncalled for most times but i deal with them anyway. You will too.

I will always love you, deeply.




***

On a happier note..

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY LORRAINE & RAJ ! =)


love you two dearly. have funnn ;)

♥the trick is to keep breathing 10:13 PM

Slowly i'm becoming a morning person again! all thanks to school. I started studying already. ha, i'm not gonna procrastinate and leave everything to the very last minute (which is typically me). Plus i've done this module before, so i'm a bit more familiar with it! Exams in July and that's not very faraway isit? Oh and the best part of being back in schoool is the fact that i get to enjoy my 'Mei Ling' Street chicken rice all over again! Wooot! I've misssed it so much! Oh oh and the Ikea meat balls, and Adam Road stingray and Holland Village is too near for comfort as well. Okk, i think i am more excited about the food rather than school itself.

The Batam trip was just gorgeous. It was definitely much needed with the Spaa massages, chilling by the pool, "tanning" (only cause it became cloudy when i slopped on tanning oil, so i never got the tann i desired), good seafood, awesome breakfast spread at Holiday Inn, a lil bit of shopping and a lil bit of drinking. It's also darn cheap for the accommodation inclusive of the Ferry tix and all. When i got back i was telling Steph and Raine how we should just go there, it's cheaper than getting a chalet here. After my exams perhaps. AFTER July 1st! ($$$)

Rasa Sentosa

When i was on the ferry on the way to Batam. Gorgeous huh?





The view outside our room. Our room was located on the first floor.

The uber expensive room service menu!

Outside our room !


This was taken near Harris Resort. Reminded me of my birthday location..


GoKart track


There are a lot more pics but i am getting lazy to upload them. Ha!

***

By the way i am missing the (Green) Mercury Monster very much!!! :( and the person it belongs to as well. SOB!

Aiite, gotta run. Time for lunch!

♥the trick is to keep breathing 9:02 PM

♥the trick is to keep breathing 8:56 PM

OK. the emotions have been on a high as of late. actually it just keeps fluctuating. it's horribly frustrating at times but deal with it, i shall. ANYHOW, last week was effing awesome with a capital A.W.E.S.O.M.E ! Seriously. I was going on about how i wanna party the night away in my last post and i got just the right dose of that, that very weekend! More of an overdose, of alcohol and darn gooood music! At the Gilles Peterson's WWF. Thanks to Sooores i was on the guest list so pay, i didn't. I got to Fort Canning around 4ish in the afternoon and then headed back home to change cause i was wearing a dress and i was bound to have a drunken night ahead so had to be prepared. Home it was, then back to Shawn's cause he wanted to change to his berms and then off we were to Gardens cause there was an alcohol overload at Marla's place. Boooze booze and more booze!







9ish and alcohol pumping in our systems we decided it was time to groovee to the music and partyy! Called two cabs and off we were. We got there to hear the party already in full swing, so we were definitely on time. You need to be there to know what a blast we had. It was beyond words..i don't think i danced this much in the last three years and no i am NOT exaggerating. It was by far the best SUNDAY! Would i do it again, hell yeah! Now i wish i had gone for Tiesto at Port Dickson. Boo! Can't wait for infected mushrooms at Zouk!











***

The weekend is here again, and school's next week! Can't wait. Productivity at it's best. I neeed. Heading to Batam with the sis, aunt and cousin tomorrow morning. It's only for the night so will be back sunday. Can't wait for that, good fooood, some pampering, tanning if i must and sitting by the pool with a book in hand, mp3 and just chilling the afternoon away. Something i need for sure to get my mind off things.

Aitee, it's a Friday and i don't feel like wasting it away by sitting my ass at home. Shall make a few phone calls and see where the night takes me.

Have a good weekend! =)

♥the trick is to keep breathing 6:11 AM

If i could only make a deal with God,
to have you swap places with me...

6.06AM

I am far from sleepy cause that's pretty much all i did all of today. Besides having my long overdue Ramly Burger from JB! YUM! Need to watch my Desperate Housewives. And did i mention I hate Lucas! (OTH) He's so mean to Peyton, really. Telling her to her face that he hates her cause she came home. HELLO DUFUS! She came home cause of you and you turned your back against her for some meaningless relationship with Lindsy! Who is by the way pointing you towards Peyton. If everyone else can see that you two are made for each other then why the hell can't you see that? Even your latest novel evidently speaks your heart.

OK, i know i sound as if I've known them for ages and they are my friends, but i quite literally grew up watching OTH, well 5th season, 6th in the making. Gossip Girl has become the next guilty pleasure after The OC which i thought no other series can replace. But after the last and final season of OC ended i was having major withdrawal symptoms for i missed Seth, Ryan, Marissa and Summer too much. Plus my dreams to live in the OC someday came crashing down on me till I found Newport Harbor the Real Orange County which only has 2 seasons and ends at Episode 14 quite abruptly.

I am a major TV series junkie, all of which i DO NOT watch on my television of course. I really do not know what i'd do without my lappie and an internet connection. My days would be such a bore i tell you. Thank heavens for the internet!

I have this huge urge to get out, put my dancing shoes on and just party the night away. I can't recall when was the last time i had that much of fun over drinks, great company, awesome ambiance and groovy music. I need, i want! Before school starts at least.

Life on the whole has been pretty monotonous, but its a good monotonous, really. My heart isn't heavy my head's a lot clearer and i've been smiling a hell lot the past week or so. It's nice to feel lightheaded all over. I likeeeee! I haven't seen the girls in awhile and i think i ought to, this weeekened at least! missing them heaps amidst all the mama-drama i can't stand. I want to head to TIAB. Oh and buckroos with Patty boy on Saturday was nice. San Miguel beeer and Buffalooo Wingssss were the bomb diggity la! Pat and i caught up and it was good to finally do that. Hope your life gets back on track just how you hope and pray for it to, be a good boy now.

Speaking of boysss, there's this one boy close to my heart. one of whom i haven't called or spoken to in some time, the one that had my heart. YOU my dear, haven't been forgotten so don't think otherwise ok! Asking silly questions likee "have you forgotten me!" IF i do, i'd be doing you a favour! But i haven't. June is nearinggg la, booo, and imma miss you when the 26th nears. :( Hope your teeth are fine after removing the wisdom(s)!

Aiiteee niggas, imma go watch desperate housewives. The weekends almost near though it doesn't make a difference to me. :) Hang in there. and GOOOOD MORNING!




Joga Bonito!

♥the trick is to keep breathing 3:06 PM

*yawnsssss*

I swear. I wish i didn't have to get off my bed that early. So darn sickening. I only slept around 5ish. JB-ed. Bought cigerattes and DVDs. Had supper, mirowaved Pasta of course. Nothing fancy or indian muslim like maggi goreng, cause someone didn't know where al ameen was! To think you live in woodlands. Settled for disgusting 7-11 pasta. Ateee and came home. Poker-ed a bit and slept. Luck hasn't been on my side, evidently. Down to 1k! pffffft!

MOMMY comes knocking on my door at around 9ish! To walk my dog, shower and head out. She had to run some errands and she wanted to take me out to lunch. Couldn't decline, since we haven't had our mother and daughter time lately cause she's been busy with work and i have been busy bumming my ass doing unproductive things. We went to some Hong Kong Cafe! Had yummylicious HK style chicken baked rice with mushrooms! The portion was huge too! mom ordered some beef terriyaki and onion rice with papaya soup which i know sounds gross but it actually tasted quite good. Stuffed my face and now we're home. She wanted to go furniture shopping but the weather was disgusting and dad wasn't with us obviously hence the absence of a car! We cabbed it home and here i am blogging and waiting to get my ass in bed to kooon!

Might meeet oreoboy tonight. Long overdue. and watch PS: I love you! Also longg overdue!

OKKKKKKK, got to go now.

good night.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:53 PM

ERASE undo ERASE undo ERASE

If only there was some form of anesthetic for pain that's caused mentally or emotionally. why do they only have such things for physical pain?? I need a xyclocaine NOW. Injected into my brain! The bit where the memory of you still lingers.

SIGH. so out i was last night. Shopped a bit, didn't make it in time for threading cause Shalz got the darn time wrong. So walked around after i bought myself a bag and slip-ons from M(phosis. Sat at Lido Macs talking and catching up with her, after which Wxsieeee joined us. Ian and Brandon fetched us later and i had a 'appetite-less' plate of chicken rice! I've completely lost my appetite the past couple of days, i don't know why. But that's a good thing. After dinner we kinda drove around AIMLESSLY. nothing new, it happens with everyone i hang out with. We drove down thomsan road 3 times?? The devils bend made me dizzy. Lower Seletar Reservoir while waiting for Rama and Elf. Then off we were to town to catch a movie. Good movie choices, which explains why we were left with the first two rows for both movie choices and the stupid boys did not want to watch Over Her Dead Body! KTV plans were ditched cause only one person wanted to sing and that one person contradicts his own name - ELVIS. Soooooo, plans plans plans. Ended up renting a DVD room at cine, rented some useless cock show, Skin walkers. The first 10 mins were crap and we were bored stiff so paid extra 6 bucks to change movies and settled for Vacancy which i thought was shocking but boring. We never caught the ending cause the power went off before that! Damn lame!

Saturday went by, sunday came. Got me thinking even more. Note to self: contain and refrain. If i could buy a gun here in singapore, i would've shot myself a long long time ago. Then again i guess most of us would've. Now i seek comfort in in in in.....in god knows what. I need to find peace, peace within myself. There's no such thing as turning back time, there's no going back.

I come in here and sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so i wish for patience and grace and strength to just let him be happy. Mostly i pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what i want. That's the toughest part, letting go, you know? That's the part of grace that really sucks!





BUT...you still have all of me.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:31 AM

Yesterday was nice, apart from the little drama here and there. Sat in elf's car after ages!! Besides last Sunday when i went for the FormulaDrift show. It's 'souped-up' alright! I could tell the difference just by sitting in it. Nice work. Pity he's gotta sell it soon cause he's leaving for the States next month. IF ONLY i had my license i'd psycho my mom to buy it for me and keep it till he gets back. Such grand plans he has when he gets back from the States, i have grander plans. Ha, us and our silly dreams that may or may not come true. Oh well.

It's a Saturrrday and like last night I have no plans. I just don't feeel like getting out. Staying home seems a lot more appealing. But i'm dying to go shopping though. GUESS? i've yet to head down there to get me my 200$ worth of whatever. But the weather's just weighing me down. We'll see.

SIGH SIGH SIGH.

i could write a thousand words and more about whats running through my head now but i refrain.

Just know, there's ALWAYS something left to say.



I FEEEL YOU IN EVERY SINGLE HEARTBEAT.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 10:01 PM

A dear dear friend of mine shared this with me, and I thought the rest of you should read this too! :)


MEN...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends.' A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think 'it will get better.'! You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.(i agree)
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 9:38 PM