Scars For Me & Souvenirs For You

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Someone told me this today, someone who means quite a great deal. And only because I have been waiting for the day I'd cry my heart and soul out because everything has been welled up in me. So as i was rambling and whining away, he decides to give me one of those talks. The one thats meant to make me feel better you know? But instead makes me cry a river. Which was completely fine by me i say! Like i mentioned, I had to cry my heart out! I was dying to watch some sad sappy love movie so I'd cry, but that never happened, then I watched One Tree Hill and i was nostalgic but NO i didn't cry. Then there was Ben&Jerry's but then I'd only be crying tears of joy cause I was savouring every spoonful. Ok, I am so digracing here ain't I??

So where was i? Errrrrr, yes..the part where he told me this..so this is what he said, of course amongst other things, i can't get them all down...

"You need to step out of the darkness, follow the light, you have a bright future ahead of you! Don't let the darkness soak you up with misery. Life's too short for all that. Learn how to live your life..don't let the past haunt you like a nightmare. Seek your dreams cause that's what life is all about. You either choose the darkness or the light. You're a beautiful girl! So stop crying and being upset. You're turning ugly, so cheer up (at which, this point i was crying and laughing and the same time) and be that beautiful girl that i know!"

It is true. I mean, I only have myself to blame because I simply do not believe in myself. I really don't think I'd get through this. The last time I was in this shit hole it was a complete disaster. But no, I HAVE to believe that i will be ok. Otherwise NOBODY else would. Someone else told me a couple of days back, whatever it is DON'T GO BACK A PHASE. Move on, but don't go back a phase. It's true. Life's too short, life is beautiful. But it's what we make of it. I know, I'd say all this now and 2 minutes later I'd be on my bed, either stoning away or crying again. There will be more days like this, but I will get through it. I know, slowly but surely.

It's time to nurse my conflicted heart and attain a peace of mind.

A BIG SHOUT OUT:

~To my 2 ladies who have been there for me *Lorraine&Steph, I love you both dearly and you both have made everyday count!

~My sis, who's been a pillar of strength despite the bullshit I give her :) I love you.

~My parents, whom I know will not be reading this but heck, they have no idea how much I cherish them both much too much. Often time I take them for granted, they've been nothing but supportive of every decision i've made in my life because they believed in me.

~Patrick, we've come a long long way now..from my first love to my best friend, we've been through our highs and lows. You've been there for me, even when I couldn't be there. You, I'll always love. Sorry for letting you down time and time.

~Vish, yes you. You have been there for me a great deal lately. And its your wise words that have got me this far ahead. Thanks for constantly being there, rain or shine. I owe you one! Hugs!

And the list goes on...the others who have been shedding some light, being there for me one way or another. It's all greatly appreciated. Likewise please please know that I'll be there for each of you, rain or shine, without a doubt.

Okaayy, i know all this is getting just a tad bit mushy but I was just sharing the love here! Don't blame me, I'm surrounded by such wonderful people. :D

Gonna leave you with this....

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there. Because you can't remember a time when it wasn't. But then one day, you feel something else. Something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize, you're happy."

♥the trick is to keep breathing 12:31 PM