Scars For Me & Souvenirs For You

Monday, March 31, 2008

As we lay there quiet
I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you
Your smile,
and the way it teased at me seductively
Your laugh,
and the way it tempted me
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to hypnotize me

As we sat there silent
I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you
Your smile,
and the way it brings such life into me
Your laugh,
and the way it makes everything okay
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to read my thoughts

As we stand here now
I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate you
Your smile,
and the way it confuses me
Your laugh,
and the way it seems to mock me
Your eyes,
and the way they can look into mine and not feel a thing

----------------------------------

I love him so much. Does he realize I'll do anything for him? And that perhaps i do deserve some credit. But then again i don't even think i want the credit. I want his love. The undying kind. The one that most girls dream of. The one that seems like it'll last for a life time during the honeymoon-ing period.

I'm still hoping, wishing, dreaming and praying. I don't even want old times back. I just want us to gradually get better, better than before. For some reason I really can't seem to let go. Not that i should if i really want this relationship but even if i wanted to, I don't think i could even remotely bring myself to. The last time i was in a relationship and when i was made to make a decision to leave or not, it was so tough on me. I took forever to get over him and now this. Maybe it's the fear of going through that entire process again. I mean it's crap that time heals all wounds. Time is what makes it all the more painful. Call me a wuss, i'm guilty as charged.

Shoot me!

I don't even want to be thinking about leaving. I mean these are just thoughts that float in my head. So does the heart do the thinking or the head do the thinking?

The above was blogged on the 1st of April 2007. It's the 1st of April 2008.
Funny funny, how one goes through the same emotions and yet so much changes in just one year. How i actually have the strength to pick myself up and move on. Despite everything, the emotions felt exactly a year ago, still feel too familiar. Does it make any sense at all?

♥the trick is to keep breathing 1:20 PM