Scars For Me & Souvenirs For You

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

MY WAY HOME, IS THROUGH YOU.

If this was last month, OR the month before that, i'd have lots to say. Right now, while I am back where I last left off (with regards to my life) this time round, I have nothing to say. No misery, no tears, no heart ache, no pain, no hate, no resentment nor anger. Just me. I am not smiling, no. Neither do I feel confused. Simply satisfied, definitely content. I've finally done what I ought to have done months ago, now I shouldn't repeat the mistake I made. I said I'd amend 2008, and this was gonna be my year, no? Well it's finally begun. I am two and a half weeks late. But hey, the year is still young.

With that said, I hope your new years resolutions are working out as planned if not, that most of you are still working on it ! :) There's still hope.

I'm off to catch my One Tree Hill, Episode 3 is out !

Sweet Dreams.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:35 AM

Saturday, January 12, 2008

It's ok now. I think it's beginning to be ok now.

If there is anyone I want, it's YOU. Please, come home. Either you come home or I'll come home to you. We belong with one another...after all these years, isn't it evident now? You and I both know that at the end of the day, even if it's not in this life time, maybe in the next we'd still find one another. I will always love you. Only you. It's different when it comes to you, the love never seems to subside. Never will. The love that taught me what love was. ILU.

Time check: 3.14AM. Just got back from supper with Sri-ish (sorry if i was in your face! ha) and my sis. Went to Sun Plaza's Ah Mei cafe for prata. How very unhealthy I know ! But I was starving. Slept through lunch and dinner. Was dead beat after this mornings flight to Bangkok. I've to get ready in two hours for my next flight. Off to Xiamen. Pffft! Annoying passengers, needless to say. Ohh well. Will be back in the evening and i'm looking forward to that. Wanna hit the bed as soon as I get home. Reckon El calling me up later part of the night to accompany him to JB to pump petrol. Mundane routine. It's the only time we see much of each other. He's at O tonight. Glad i'm home. I've been out every darn weekend. The girls are at MOS, they called me out but i declined and continued with my much needed sleeep. Heh.

Alright, imma wash up and lie down for a bit.

Laterrrrrr. :)

♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:09 AM

Friday, January 11, 2008

My three off days went by faster than I had expected ! But I spent three quarters of it sleeping and the other quarter catching up on Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives and One Tree Hill Season 5 ! I have no regrets. I'm re-energized for sure and ready to go back to work. Working three days in a row ya'll ! Ha, Bangkok later in the morning, Xiamen on Sunday and Perth on Monday, followed by another three days OFF ! Woooooot! :D Haha. How can I not love this months roster. But I reckon it being hectic next month, it always happens. It alternates, one month the roster's relaxed and the next its packed with flights. Nvm, that's when the moolah rolls in!

I've to wake up at three later in the morning and leave for the airport. I still haven't painted my nails and I see a pimple on my face that seems to be getting bigger by the hour ! Bleah ! HOW?! I'm so screwed. Ok, I know I sound highly bimbotic now but I can't help it. I cannot afford to look bad, not for flights. They are coming down harsh on grooming lately. If we are not groomed up to standard, we'll be grounded and will only be allowed to fly if they see improvements. (pimples not included of course, those are our hormones) Ohh well..

Alrighty, I shall take my leave now. I'm sure i've bored ya'll enough. :) Happy Weekend !

Nights.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 4:27 AM

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Hello world hope you're listening, forgive me if i'm young, for speaking out of turn. There's someone I've been missing, I think that they could be the better half of me. They're in their own place trying to make it right but I'm tired of justifying. So I'll say, come home. Cause I've been waiting for you for so long. And right now there's a war between the vanities but all i see is you and me. The fight for you is all i've ever known, so please come home.

I get lost in the beauty of everything I see. The world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be. If all the sons, if all the daughters stopped to take it in...well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin. It might start now.

Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud, until then..come home cause I've been waiting for you for so long.

Everything I can't be is everything you should be and that's why I need you here.

The fight for you is all i've ever known, so please come home.

IMISSYOU.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 3:24 AM

Off today. AND tomorrow and back to work on Sat but that's not too bad since my flights a short one. Despite it being at 5 freaking AM in the morning, its all gooood.

Well, One Tree Hill is finally and officially OUT! Aired in the US two days ago so it was already posted last night. Watched the 2 hour premiere this morning, and it is so weird !! They fast forwarded it 4 years and how their lives have changed, some for the worse and some for the better and it makes me think about how life was 4 years ago. Wasn't that when most of us were whining about how we wanted to leave secondary school and act all grown up and legal? Looking back, I think i've lost myself in this past couple of years and i take back what i said back then, I rather be 16 and living life than be where I am today. I lost a few loved ones, and yes I mean we're still friends and all, but that bond, that closeness we came to know, is gone. I used to love myself, and the person I was. The free spirited, carefree person. I don't hate myself now, but I am different. Maybe it's for the best, and I know I've become a better person in certain aspects, but that's just made me lose my sense of identity. That one thing that made me, ME.

Ahhh, i should quit whining. Anyway went over to Kaart's and Aasrtsy's place last night with the sis. Chilled out, ate lots of junk food, watched TV four hours straight, talked and talked more. It was nice to just spend time with people who mattered. I miss these kinda random nights. The spontaneous ones included. Sighs...

♥the trick is to keep breathing 2:39 AM

Monday, January 7, 2008

♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:43 AM

Saturday, January 5, 2008

This i picked up from facebook -

Aries: You thought you'd convinced someone how you feel, but they don't get it. Time to have that talk again.

This i picked up from yahoo.com horoscopes -

Have you been waiting for the right time to take action? Now is the time -- your energy couldn't be better and circumstances are definitely lined up in your favor. There's no need to think things through further.

Hmmm, so what exactly can i decipher from these two horoscopes? They seem to be referring to the same darn thing?! I am just as clueless.

BLEAH!

Well, it's a saturday. The weather is beautiful. And you know how you feel like staying in on some days, tucked in bed with a book in hand and hot chocolate in another...today did feel like one of those days and I was armed with a book and without the hot chocolate of course. Then i suddenly felt like meeting the bf, and having one of those aimless walks around town, sit some place, perhaps coffeebean for a nice lil chat over hot cappuccino. Go for a movie or just do something really spontaneous. I can't quite recall when was the last time we did something like that. I mean ever since he got his car, we've just been driving from Point A to Point B, and sometimes the drive just deprives us of these much needed, no-agenda-kinda-talks, you know? Cause the music is blasting or he's just busy chasing some other car? I mean yea, i do share his passion. And I am A LOT like him when it comes to his adrenaline pumping interests. But sometimes its not about his passion or his interests alone, and I am not asking him to share my passions or interests with me. Maybe sometimes, just maybe I need him to put all of that aside for a bit and pay some attention to me. To us, to this relationship.

I think it really just boils down to commitment. How committed you are to the relationship and the lengths you'd take to make it work. And I am not saying that the above mentioned is one of the biggest reasons that a relationship wouldn't work. There are countless reasons. And when i mean countless, i speak from experience. So much has changed !!!

And I mean there aren't any protocols when it comes to matters of the heart. Some things shouldn't be questioned. And is it really true that, what you don't know wouldn't hurt you? I tried living by that, but when i did know, gawd it killed me ! Killed me more when he didn't realize how hurt i was and how he wasn't sorry about any of it just made it a hell lot worse. Though it's been awhile now, something new just keeps getting sprung up all the time. How much can i take really? I mean if you were to put yourself in my shoes, then perhaps you'd feel the hurt and resentment i feel.

Time and time again, I say 'I rest my case'...time will tell if I choose to repair what you broke or literally rest my case.

All i know is, I LOVE YOU.

ps: NYE was that damn good, cause of you. You made every minute count. I know what you are capable of. What we share is beautiful, if only you'd think so too.

"Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes.We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. We have to understand that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.."

♥the trick is to keep breathing 2:48 AM

Thursday, January 3, 2008

face IT.

finally, the reality of it all hits me right smack in the face. all he had to do was face it with me, and he finally has.

maybe i want to feel sorry, maybe i want to feel sad. maybe i will feel sorry and maybe i might feel sad. but it's just the pain of letting go. once i get past that awful phase i know ill be happy and finally home. its a matter of time and yes, as we all know it, time is a bitch. but when you think of it in the long run, pain transcends to something more profound. it'll just seem like you've been saved by the bell, after all. SIGHS.

i am sitting here freezing my butt of in elfs room. Reckon a cold or fever coming on soon, hence the sudden shivers. =/ i got back from macau earlier and its freaking 15 degrees out there mann! and i couldn't handle it. was dying to get back to sunny singapore but by the time i did the sun had already set, and it was windyy..brrrrrrr! The weather and how i am feeling really coincide for sure. 'They' planned it. Thank god i am on OFF the next two days and back to work on sunday. 3 sectors again! this time its in the afternoon, so it ain't too bad. Can't remember what flight i have on Monday but I'm pretty satisfied with this months roster other than the fact that my 5 day leave was NOT approved. pfffft! I'm gonna call the office up tmr. Otherwise those 5 days are burnt. Planning to apply for leave coming april. Going to PHUKET!! with the family. I neeed some fammily loving anyway, and what better place than phuket :) *beams* plus i need a break from my ohh so lame ass life.

okk, i feel like getting under them sheets while i wait for elf to get home.

toodles.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 8:39 AM