A contemptuous narcissist, who believes that happiness,
comes to those who truly want it. –It’s in your hands.
You choose how you live this life and you only live it once.
You either make it or break it.
good morning. been awhile since i've been up at this time of the day unless it's for a flight. Simply couldn't get to bed, and I've been trying from 3 earlier this morning. Time now is, 8.07am. Ha! I've been on medication the past couple of days and I think that's been making me sleep like a baby, so the one night i chose not to take my meds, I couldn't sleep. Thought of resorting to some flu tablets and cough syrup but I reckon that being a bad bad idea. heh.
I seem to be the only one who's awake at this hour, this morning. Other than Thana and Sajiv whom I was chatting with for a bit just awhile back. Miss that girl much ! Looks like 2007 wasn't exactly most of our year? I know there are some of you out there who would beg to differ right away, but hey, spare the minority here a thought ok? Some of us have had a bad year. As i sit here typing this, I see a photo, a family portrait staring back at me. It feels like not too long ago, that photo was taken. But in fact it was on Christmas, 2004. what was that? 3 years back? I looked so young, so happy, almost glowing. The flower in my hair brings back memories of why it was there in the first place...the colour of my top was specifically chosen to match another. Seeing how drained my mom and dad looked only comes to show that we all had a fabulous night that christmas from all the good food they had whipped up, and the awesome company we had over at our place. It was one christmas, I will remember for a long time to come.
On the contrary, Christmas this year or the past two years cannot be compared to the past Christmases i've had. I couldn't even recall what I wore, where I went or where mass was at. Well I did go to SVDP this year round. Some where i thought I wouldn't be going, not for christmas at least. And god, i think it was a huge mistake. Mass was gorgeous as usual, the people were even more so. But that's besides the point. It just left me feeling sad and sorry. But i shall not go there now. I guess christmas didn't feel like christmas this year for very obvious reasons. It's got nothing to do with anyone but i should blame it on me and solely me. Work just drained me, and I simply wasn't prepared for it. Give me one more month to prepare for it, and i doubt i would've gotten there as well.
This year, I've made countless mistakes. Not proud of myself at the very least. Where family is concerned, school is concerned, work is concerned and the biggest mistake of them all, where the matters of the heart were concerned. And i think they are all interlinked you know? It's just one big vicious cycle and they all kinda affect one another. I do not know how to segregate it all. And so it kinda just messed me up, and in turn i made bad decisions. Decisions i have to be stuck with for 3 years to come. Well that 3 years I am certain I can deal with. Quoting someone, "you're a smart and strong girl, you'll get through it. You do it with such aplomb." was that it? and do i? You give me too much credit my dear.
2008 is three darn days away and it's gonna be MY YEAR! Rosh, Emz and I were talking when we were at Mandarin recently, and after all the whining and letting most of our sad sob stories out we came to the conclusion that 2008 was gon be our year ! And hell yeah it is ! I either make it or break it. It's about time anyway.
December was supposed to be my month. The month that kept me sane and that always made me reminisce the year and smile. Yet this year round, it was this month that made me miserable, lonely and dreadful. And reminiscing it just made me sulk even more. So to hell with 2007, I've learned some valuable lessons and i think, just maybe 2007 has not only made me a stronger person but a better one as well. With that said...