Scars For Me & Souvenirs For You

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Vinitha and I constanly go on about how we would want to experience the 'Haley and Nathan' kinda love, someday. (A couple on the tv show One Tree Hill) Lately, ever since Gossip Girl came along, its been about wanting to experience the 'Serena and Dan' kinda love. It's the kinda love people hope to experience in their life time. The ones you find only in movies and tv dramas as mentioned above.

BUT...I do know that kind of love does exist in reality. That love, I've come to know and let go cause i thought i'd be living a better life if i did let it go. I just let it pass me by without giving it a second a third thought. Now I sit here and wonder how that had taught me what love was, what it was like to be in love and to love. Yet, here i am, not sure if i'd ever come across such a beautiful state of mind. And believe me, i am in no hurry. With 2008 about slightly more than half a day away, I am in no freaking hurry. I kinda lost myself, and i think i need to find me first.

I've been procrastinating much lately. I should get down to doing what i feel is right ! Right for me at least.

Sighs.

NYE, have fun darlings. Happy ushering in 2008 ~ have a blasting good time and stick to thy new years resolutionssssssss. I've a list !

ha! tata!

♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:21 PM

Thursday, December 27, 2007

good morning. been awhile since i've been up at this time of the day unless it's for a flight. Simply couldn't get to bed, and I've been trying from 3 earlier this morning. Time now is, 8.07am. Ha! I've been on medication the past couple of days and I think that's been making me sleep like a baby, so the one night i chose not to take my meds, I couldn't sleep. Thought of resorting to some flu tablets and cough syrup but I reckon that being a bad bad idea. heh.

I seem to be the only one who's awake at this hour, this morning. Other than Thana and Sajiv whom I was chatting with for a bit just awhile back. Miss that girl much ! Looks like 2007 wasn't exactly most of our year? I know there are some of you out there who would beg to differ right away, but hey, spare the minority here a thought ok? Some of us have had a bad year. As i sit here typing this, I see a photo, a family portrait staring back at me. It feels like not too long ago, that photo was taken. But in fact it was on Christmas, 2004. what was that? 3 years back? I looked so young, so happy, almost glowing. The flower in my hair brings back memories of why it was there in the first place...the colour of my top was specifically chosen to match another. Seeing how drained my mom and dad looked only comes to show that we all had a fabulous night that christmas from all the good food they had whipped up, and the awesome company we had over at our place. It was one christmas, I will remember for a long time to come.

On the contrary, Christmas this year or the past two years cannot be compared to the past Christmases i've had. I couldn't even recall what I wore, where I went or where mass was at. Well I did go to SVDP this year round. Some where i thought I wouldn't be going, not for christmas at least. And god, i think it was a huge mistake. Mass was gorgeous as usual, the people were even more so. But that's besides the point. It just left me feeling sad and sorry. But i shall not go there now. I guess christmas didn't feel like christmas this year for very obvious reasons. It's got nothing to do with anyone but i should blame it on me and solely me. Work just drained me, and I simply wasn't prepared for it. Give me one more month to prepare for it, and i doubt i would've gotten there as well.

This year, I've made countless mistakes. Not proud of myself at the very least. Where family is concerned, school is concerned, work is concerned and the biggest mistake of them all, where the matters of the heart were concerned. And i think they are all interlinked you know? It's just one big vicious cycle and they all kinda affect one another. I do not know how to segregate it all. And so it kinda just messed me up, and in turn i made bad decisions. Decisions i have to be stuck with for 3 years to come. Well that 3 years I am certain I can deal with. Quoting someone, "you're a smart and strong girl, you'll get through it. You do it with such aplomb." was that it? and do i? You give me too much credit my dear.

2008 is three darn days away and it's gonna be MY YEAR! Rosh, Emz and I were talking when we were at Mandarin recently, and after all the whining and letting most of our sad sob stories out we came to the conclusion that 2008 was gon be our year ! And hell yeah it is ! I either make it or break it. It's about time anyway.

December was supposed to be my month. The month that kept me sane and that always made me reminisce the year and smile. Yet this year round, it was this month that made me miserable, lonely and dreadful. And reminiscing it just made me sulk even more. So to hell with 2007, I've learned some valuable lessons and i think, just maybe 2007 has not only made me a stronger person but a better one as well. With that said...

It's time to head home..

alone...

♥the trick is to keep breathing 4:06 PM

When my 2 Emirates baby-girls Rosh and Emz, were on leave and back in Sin, they booked a hotel room and called it a girls night in with some serious bonding session (@ marina mandarin) and a girls night out (@ o bar/mos), breakfast in the morning and coffee after checking out. It was a gorgeous night in/out with the two hot air stewardess. My very own darlings i've missed and not seen a long time. Hope to see you ladies again, soon enough. If we can all fit each other in our busy schedules. But I reckon it being difficult with ya'll back in Dubai. NVM, i shall get my ass there for some serious bonding session/night out. :):) SOON!

For now, like mentioned... 2008 is gonna be OUR YEAR! for obvious reasons.

Love love.

Here are just some of the picsss i grabbed from Rosh...

XOXO

♥the trick is to keep breathing 11:11 AM

Friday, December 14, 2007

I cant believe you had the nerve to say the things you said
They hurt so bad that they ended our Relationship
I cant believe it four years gone down the drain
How I wished things woulda happened so differently
I tried to say this many times but still you couldn’t see
You kept insisting, and resisting that you would not fall again

And now u trying to tell me that you're sorry and you're trying to come back home
You're telling me you really need me crying, begging, both knees are on the floor
But Baby I.…
Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try no more
You keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try cause all we do is fight
And say the things that hurt you bad to where we both begin to cry
Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try I ‘bout just had enough
Its been a rough road baby just let it go
Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try no more
Tell me what‘s the use of holding on when all we do is hurt our love

You and I had many conversations on the telephone
Talks about one day we having a place of our own
Wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
But all of that just seems so Far away from me
Had to wake up, face reality
It all just seemed to good to be true
After all you put me through

♥the trick is to keep breathing 12:39 AM

Thursday, December 6, 2007

time check: 2.51AM

I should be fast asleep, but I got back not too long ago from supper and pool with lorraine dearest, her darling, Raj, his brother and a friend of theirs. Went driving around aimlessly or rather illegally for abit (raine, raj and his brother that is) then headed down to Orchid Country Club for some Pool and supper. I am sick sick sick, staying home didn't feel like it'd do me much good since i was already feeling like a complete pig from taking my meds and sleeping all day. Hence I decided to head out for a bit, since the bf was out with his section mates for dinner. He joined us after to fetch me back and now is here.

SIGHS. I'm not so sure anymore. Bleah! I went to the library recently. Needed to get this brain of mine a tad bit stimulated. Feel its been dead for some time now. Borrowed three books, very randomly...

OK, i'll get back to why I even started the topic about my escapade to the library and the books i borrowed tmr. The bf is bugging me to sleeep.

Night night.

________________________________________

Ok, so where was I? Me borrowing 3 random books. One of which is, 'The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships'.

Alright alright, i can almost hear you guys laughing. Not that I thought this book was going to help, but it wouldn't hurt to just read it, no? Anyhow, the point being..I am in Chapter 18 now, and 16 out of 18 simple secrets kinda applied to my (love) life. Do ya'll think that we fuss too much about this one aspect of our lives? when we should be fussing over more rewarding things? Ok, that was just a thought. Back to what I was saying. Here's one of the secrets (not so much a secret, i think) i thought of sharing.

**Imagine two people working on an important project. If the top priority of the project is to complete some specific assignment, you might put one person in charge and assign the two different tasks depending on their abilities. As long as the project is successfully completed, it doesn't matter if one person does a better job or is more commited to the assignment. But what if the top priority of the project is to have the team members like and respect each other? Then putting one person in charge will likely invite feelings of jealousy. And if one person tries harder than the other, feelings of resentment will surely follow. A relationship is, of course, just such a project. Relationships crumble under the weight of imbalance. Neither person can be more important. Neither person can be more involved or commited. Neither person can make all the decisions. Neither person can make all the sacrifices. In the project that is a relationship, no one gets top billing because without two equals there is no relationship.**

Well, there. So basically it doesn't only take 2 hands to clap. There has to be some form of balance. I see no balance where I am, at all. No compromise, no sacrifice, none. Love isn't enough. There's more to it then just the 'I love you' and 'I miss you'. So what if you do? Does it even show? Right? I mean, sometimes I wonder why he loves me? Or why does he want to be with me? Yet, see the one he loves hurting or unhappy. I'll never understand.

ANYHOOOO, it's the 7th of December!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TRISTON ! :)

Can't believe it's been a year already. Time flies, and see how you've grown!

7th of December 2006

Recent Pictures, he's taken after his mommy. Such a cam-baby!

His birthday celebrations tomorrow, heading out to shop for his pressie with my mommy later! :)

Will upload his birthday pics after tmr!

Have a great weekends lovelies! OH *sulks* and enjoy ZOUKOUT! i've a flight at 5am sunday morning, so i'll be rotting at home while ya'll a partying it out

:( Bleah!

♥the trick is to keep breathing 10:51 AM

HOW I'VE MISSED THEM ! - CLARA & BECKY ! :) It was nice catching up with you two over lunch and girly stuff ! Loveeeeee you girls.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 3:14 AM

Monday, December 3, 2007

December. The one month i look forward to every year ! The one month that brings back sweet memories, and allows me to create new ones. It's the time of peace, joy and laughter. As commercialized as Christmas seems, it still means a lot to me and my family. The yearly traditions, shared with friends and family is one i'd never put an end to.

This year round however, will be a lot different. Got my roster for December, and it sure as hell sucks. Not only am i working on the eve of christmas! I'm also working on Christmas itself. I'll only be back the day after. That too on standby. I was completely at a lost for words. I tried applying for leave but didn't get it so i was hoping they'd realize I am catholic and you know? Give me a day off or something but NO! :(

Thought of doing something about it, see if they can work something out so i get christmas off. Sighs. As it is, things aren't exactly in place, and this just makes it all worse.

Pray, i shall.

I'm not quite feeling the spirit of christmas, yet.

This should help.. It's YOU, i really want.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 3:30 AM