Scars For Me & Souvenirs For You

Monday, September 24, 2007

I guess we can't really complain about karma. It's not unfair. It's not unexpected. It just evens the score.

I have to, I have to get it out of my system. The past week has been busy. There's work and when I do get an off day, I want to do everything I can possibly do and pack it all in a day. I get beat up by the end of the day and before I know it, my next working day is near. On top of that I have other issues to deal with, which completely drains most of whatever energy there is left.

Today, hmmm. Should I call it the day of revelations? For all the wrong reasons. A vibe blacks me out and soon after the truth does. It always come hand in hand. The vibe and the truth. Such divulgence, I swear. I hate to say this but it disgusts me more than it upsets me. Which is why I need some form of enlightenment.

We are the captains of our own ship and there's a reason that is so. I mean we choose to do what pleases, right? Whether its good or bad for us. However why is it, we still choose to carry on with things despite knowing that its bad for us? Could be the strong affection? The addiction? The 'high' it gives? I'm so clueless. I mean here I am, giving my all not doing shit just so you benefit and there you are doing what just benefits YOU and only you. Selfishly doing things despite the hurt it can cause. Blatantly ignorant and oblivious to ones feelings. I would've never imagined or have the slightest notion of your capabilities. You claim my friends are whores and sluts. But the manwhore himself speaks. Excellent.

I've had friends, friends who cheated on their girlfriends yet were so darn sorry yet continued fuckin' about and that upsetted me so much I had to tell you about it to get it out of my system. And this was the same friend who reassured me you were a good person. I don't know if i should be laughing or crying. Could it be, you want me to read between the lines? I can and it feels like a slap across the face, telling me that I was the dumbest biatch for being so damn forgiving and gullible. I swear.

I keep getting these mental blocks, and sudden flashes of the past. Trying to make some sense of what we had. Did it even mean anything to you, at all?

To think all this was remotely possible? How is that?

//Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth, mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs. Speak no feeling, no i don't believe you!

You don't care a bit.

♥the trick is to keep breathing 6:17 AM